Wrong Inferences
by Panther Tenebrae
Summary: GrimmIchi. Ichigo has a secret, maybe a deathly one, which threat to break him and Grimmjow apart. Forever. Can everything turn better or is death their fate? Warnings: suicide attempt, angst, swearing, OOC. Bad summary...
1. Chapter 1

Ok, so this is my first fic which I have ever publiched, and in English also, so I warn that there can and will be some grammatical mistakes and so on... but I hope I don't screw myself up badly at the first time x3 I really try my best ;)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach and it's characters even if I wanted (don't have so much money and even though wouldn't want to put down the great Tite Kubo).

**Warnings:** Possible yaoi, angst, suicide attempt and some cutting, etc...

**Beta:** My dear **mminnahh**! Thank you so much~

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Chapter 1

_/"So, how can I help you Mr. Kurosaki?" a friendly looking doctor asked __after letting in a orange haired boy, closing the door and sitting on behind his work table._

"_I-" the orangette gulped and took one deep breath to calm his shaking body._

"_I need help with something serious… but I want it to be kept as a secret…" he said in a quiet voice._

_The doctor's smile fell from his face and he leaned forwards to rest on his elbows._

"_Okay, maybe I can do that. But what is it that you need my help for?" he asked seriously but a little bit worried now._

"_I need you to do me a blood test…"/_

_

* * *

_

Ichigo laid on the bed, crying quietly. His eyes hurt from all of the tears that had come for some time now but he couldn't stop them from falling, even if he tried. His chest hurt unbelievably much and his throat was dry. The berry was curled into a ball, hugging himself, he had sank his nails slightly to his upper arms. He was biting his lips, so any sound that wanted to come out, wouldn't. All he could think was his blue haired boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend now, who had left away from their common house a few hours ago because he had hurt him dearly.

'_It's all my fault… I'm such an useless idiot…'_ Ichigo thought after some time, when he finally had managed to stop the tears, wiping the last ones off his cheeks and rose to sat on the edge of the bed. He watched the big, black hoodie that was laying on the floor which no doubt belonged to Grimmjow. Slowly Ichigo picked the fabric in his hands and hugged it close to him, burying his face to it. He breathed the blue haired man's scent deep within, which some strange way has always calmed him but now it only brought him a penetrating feeling through his heart.

"I'm so sorry Grimmjow", he murmured, his voice hoarse from the hours of crying.

"It's my fault… All my fault that you're in this mess with me… And probably dying now too…" he whispered, feeling the tears threatening to spill again. _'No, if I now start again I may not be able to stop this time at all…'_ Ichigo thought, rising to stand up slowly before he took a hesitated step forward, letting the hoodie to slide on the floor.

* * *

Grimmjow stormed to his sister's house, kicking his shoes off and threw his jacked somewhere without looking or caring about it. He stomped into a living room and started to walk back and forth frustrated.

"Why the hell this happened to me? I'm young and everything just started to look great in my life and- and… Fuck!" he shouted to the empty room and took a pillow from top of the couch's seat, throwing it in one of the corners. Then he sat on the couch and buried his face into his hands, trying to calm his rage boiling nerves.

"Why Ichigo, why? Why didn't you tell me sooner? You know this all along, didn't you? How could you endanger my life like that also? I don't fucking deserve this!" Grimmjow grumped.

'_And Ichigo deserve__s this? You saw his worry and his sorrow, he didn't do it on purpose'_ his mind claimed him.

"Yeah, well, he still should have told me sooner", the blunette contradicted.

'_So you could what? Run away from him sooner? You say__ that you love him but the one moment he needs you more then anything, you abandon him. He even doesn't know for sure yet and you still ran away from him. You're pathetic.'_

"Shut up…" Grimmjow growled at his own mind but deep within himself, he knew that it was true. But his own hurt was so great that it had turned him away from the boy that he loved more than anything, it had made him a coward.

'_What have I done?'_ the blunette thought as he felt tears coming up to his eyes but he didn't allow them to fall.

'_I'm so sorry Ichigo… How could I betray your trust like that__ when you tried to make me understand… I really am pathetic.'_

The front door opened and his sister Neliel stepped in to a hallway and saw Grimmjow's shoes and jacket laying on the floor.

"Grimmy?" she called surprised but didn't get any answer. Neliel frowned and took off her own jacket before she picked up Grimmjow's and put it on its right place. Then she walked further in to find her brother, starting to worry about his lack of response which weren't usual to him.

"Grimmjow, why are you h-"

Her question was cut when she came to the living room and saw her little brother sitting on the couch. Nel walked carefully to Grimmjow and slowly sat beside him.

"Grimm? What happened?" she asked gently and put her arm around his shoulders.

Grimmjow sighted quietly and slowly put his hands down to rest them on his knees, showing his sad and agonized face.

"Nel, I have done something terrible… And I don't know if I can fix it this time…"

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, I know, it's short. But it's kind of prologue and at the same time not, but it's necessary for the rest story (or necessary and necessary but I just made it that way). But I'm evil and leave you to guess what's wrong between the two hothead x3 And what's wrong with Ichi-berry? You can find it out from next chapter~

But please reviews! Tell me how is it? All kind of comments are welcome but please, don't be too harsh :3 Thanks!

Then see ya later!

- Panther Tenebrae


	2. Chapter 2

Yay, here's finally second chap~! It took a while to post 'cause this damn lovely FF has been having errors and it didn't allow me to update this for a long time... But oh well, don't they say that the waiting is the best part ;) I believe we all have our own opinion about that one... And here is the answer for you guys about what is Ichigo's secret? Now you can read on~ And thanks so much for the reviews! I really liked to read them ^^

And sorry again if there's some mistakes, English isn't my or my beta's mother language so we can't write it perfectly but we try our best ;)

**Beta:** Always so kind and lovely Minna-chan a.k.a **mminnahh**! -Thanks and hugs ^_^

But now to the story~ ;)

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**Chapter 2**

...**  
**

_-Earlier that day_

Grimmjow was walking home from work. It was Friday so he had managed to leave earlier than other days at week, as almost every Friday. Grimmjow was in heaven, everything was looking great in his life. He and Ichigo had been lovers about eight months now and they had moved together two months ago. He was succeeding at his work and was now promoted as deputy managing director of the company where he was working. Ichigo didn't have job yet but he would have interview next week so that was going to change soon, because Grimmjow was very sure that the berry would get the job with his skills.

But still, he wouldn't help but feel a little nervous as he remembered the phone conversation he had had with Ichigo that morning. Ichigo had said that he had something important to tell him when the blunette would get home, but what made him the most nervous was Ichigo's voice that had sounded somewhat weird; like if he was worried about something. So that's why the teal haired man was now hurrying back home as quickly as he could just walk.

* * *

Ichigo was walking around the house nervously. He was picking some stuff in his hands and moved them somewhere another place. He walked from another room to another again. _'How am I going to tell Grimmjow…?'_ he thought tapping hands together. _'What if he takes it bad? What if he hates me and don't want to see me ever again? What I do if he- No! Don't think it. This is Grimmjow we're talking about. He would not do that. He will understand. That's right, you have to calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down…'_

Ichigo tried to calm himself down, sitting on the couch and turned on TV, trying to switch his thoughts away from the coming conversation.

After some time he heard keys going in the lock and the front door opening. He jumped up from the couch and rushed to see Grimmjow who was taking off his shoes and jacket.

"Hi Berry", the teal haired man greeted and crushed his lips onto the orangette's, locking them in a passionate kiss. Ichigo moaned, wrapping his arms around Grimmjow's neck while the blunette slid his owns tightly around the berry's slim waist. Grimmjow rubbed his tongue along Ichigo's bottom lip encouraging his lips to part. Ichigo gave him that almost teasingly slow but when Grimmjow slipped his tongue in and started to explore his mouth lustfully but gently, he couldn't help but moan at the feeling, at the taste.

Grimmjow could feel his heart fluttering in his chest like he had ran ten kilometres. Ichigo had been away much the last few days with some important businesses, as he had said, and Grimmjow had missed those soft lips so much. The older man sneaked his hands under Ichigo's shirt, stroking his back's smooth, "peachly" skin lovingly, pulling the berry closer to him, not wanting to break apart in any way.

But sadly, after some minutes they had to break the kiss, feeling the need to breathe very greatly.

"Wow, that was some kiss…" Grimmjow breathed out panting.

Ichigo smiled, laying his head against his boyfriend's chest, panting too.

"I've really missed you Grimm…" he said softly.

Grimmjow smiled too and kissed the top of Ichigo's head.

"I've missed you too Berry", he said and buried his nose into the mop of orange hair, breathing deep his lover's sweet but at the same time a little musky scent. But then something occurred him.

"Why were you gone so long anyway?"

At this, he felt Ichigo tense and trying to pull away from him and would have done so completely if his arms weren't around the orangette. _'Huh? That definitely doesn't promise anything good…'_

"Ichi…? What's wrong?" Grimmjow asked, watching closely Ichigo's expressions. Ichigo sighed and felt tears welling in his eyes and he looked extremely worried.

"Well… I…" he gulped.

"What? Have you been seeing someone?" Grimmjow asked gently but he had a little force behind his words.

Ichigo's head shot up quickly.

"No! Of course not Grimm. You know I love you more then anything", he said and hugged Grimmjow tightly to prove his words.

"Well then… what is it?" the blunette asked while smiling to himself at the berry's words.

Ichigo looked like he was battling with himself. He pulled away from Grimmjow's embrace before took his hand and led him to kitchen.

"Sit down Grimm, as I said earlier today I have to tell you something. I know I should have done this earlier and I'm not still sure about it. I went to the doctor and he has to yet tell me…"

"Hey-"

"And no, there isn't anything between me and someone other if that is what you're thinking. But still, I'm afraid how you will reach to this. It really has been hard to keep this in my mind and I know I shouldn't and-"

"Ichigo!" Grimmjow snapped but gently.

"Calm down a little bit. Stop pacing and come to sit down."

Ichigo hasn't realized that he was pacing. Slowly, he did as Grimmjow has suggested, sitting down on the chair in front of Grimmjow.

"So, before you confuse me even more, I would like it if you start from the beginning and tell me what's wrong."

"It's kind of long story…" Ichigo sighed, hands trembling while tears formed in his eyes again.

Grimmjow took his hand into his own to comfort him. It really have to be a huge secret to make the orange haired man this effected. Usually Ichigo was as open as an open encyclopaedia and wouldn't fear to say anything to anyone.

"Take all the time you need, we have all the afternoon and evening, but please just tell me what's wrong. This isn't like you."

Ichigo smiled a little at Grimmjow's touch and nodded. He tried to decide how to explain everything to his boyfriend and figured that it would be easiest to start from the very beginning. Ichigo closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opened them again.

"Do you remember Miaki?"

Well, this caught Grimmjow a little off guard.

"Miaki?"

"The guy I was dating a few weeks before we got together…"

"Miaki… oh…" recollection hit him. "Yeah, I remember him. What about it? What does he got to do with anything now?"

Ichigo shot him an annoyed glance.

"Well, if you don't just interrupt me with stupid questions you would know wouldn't you?"

"Huh? Well, there's the Berry that I know…" Grimmjow said rolling his eyes but smirking a little.

"Whatever", Ichigo sighed. "You know some things about my relationship with him so I'm not going there… But two months after you and I started dating I got a call from him."

Grimmjow felt a pang of jealously and squeezed Ichigo's hand possessively.

"Why?" he growled.

"You're doing it again, you possessively bastard", Ichigo growled back. Grimmjow pouted and they stared each other a while before Grimmjow gave up.

"Sorry, but I can't help it"

Ichigo smiled weakly.

"Well anyway, he had some bad news for me. He was feeling guilty that he hasn't told me sooner and was worried about me. Turns out that he is HIV positive…" Ichigo let that trail out and silence felt over them. He didn't dare look at Grimmjow.

Well, there wouldn't have been much to see. Grimmjow was some times a little slow at comprehending.

"That's sad to hear Ichi but not to sound jealous or heartless, I don't see why that would be something to fear for telling me."

Then the realization hit him and his mouth went dry.

"You didn't sleep with him when you were dating,…did… you?"

That was when Ichigo couldn't hold his tears anymore. Letting out a sob he felt the tears slowly fell down his cheeks. Grimmjow could felt cold surround every part of his body.

"When I heard it I felt so empty, I didn't know what to do, what to think for the entire day. As soon as I woke next morning I called some doctor who wouldn't know my father and he promised that he would do the tests for me and keep quiet about it. I made an appointment as soon as it was possible. You don't know how scared I was Grimm. I was like an empty shell that went forward with an autopilot. Like my brain didn't know where to go but my body did know where it should be. I couldn't believe that it happened to me. They took some of my blood and other stuff for the tests and told me they would call me after about one week for the results. I went home and tried to not think about it. I couldn't face any of my friends and that's why I didn't speak with you much also. I couldn't help it. I was so afraid what everyone would think of me, especially you…"

Ichigo squeezed Grimmjow's hand before took his own back, laying it on his lap and crossed his fingers together.

"A little over week later I got a phone call from the doctor and that's when I got the first news. The results were negative. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Like I were on the cloud nine literally. The doctor told me some other things but I didn't hear them, I was just so relieved. As we ended the conversation, I nearly ran to you and climbed you. You said that I was acting funny that day…" Ichigo said, closing his eyes and remembering that day. His happiness and Grimmjow's caresses.

Grimmjow too was picked up the same memory, smiling faintly to himself. Ichigo really has been climbing himself to him. It had surprised Grimmjow but he hadn't question it but dwelled with it. Yes, he did certainly remember that day. It was the day when they had went a little further in their relationship… Yeah, he definitely did remember that. He realized that Ichigo was ready to talk again and snapped back from his perverted memories.

"I didn't tell you then because I didn't think it was necessary when everything seemed to be just fine. But even though I still couldn't forget the whole thing. The Miaki's phone call was hunting my mind and month after month I started feel more uneasy. I know why now and that's why I regret not doing anything sooner…" Ichigo said, quiet tears trailing down his cheeks.

Grimmjow watched a while his lover but it seemed that Ichigo wasn't going to continue.

"Ichi, what aren't you telling me? I don't understand why you're this upset about this thing. What does it have doing with your absences the last days? And what's wrong?" Grimmjow racked his mind but couldn't find any connections.

"We were at Biology class two weeks ago talking about venereal diseases and their complications. Well, I didn't know before that HIV can take between three to six months to incubate in a person. It wouldn't even show if it's tested too early. And how many people who sleep with someone who has been infected with HIV has got away clean?" Ichigo said, now sobbing at the last part.

He heard as Grimmjow gasped but didn't dare look at him.

"I went to the same doctor few days ago and he promised to help again and this time do the test in secret…"

"Wha-"

"…and I had to tell you now even though I don't know about the results yet. But I thought you had every right to know as well as I…"

"Ichi, I don't know-"

"…since it's possible that you're involved to this too", Ichigo said in a quiet voice.

Grimmjow stood up, he had went pale and was starting to panic.

"No, don't even think it Ichigo. You're not infected, you're fine…" he trailed off, not wanting to believe the whole thing he had heard.

Ichigo sighed sadly, understanding his boyfriend's reaction completely. He had to force himself to say the next part.

"I'm sorry Grimmjow. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you the first I find out. And I'm sorry I had to bring something like this to you now, if I had told you back then you wouldn't have needed to date me. Instead you would have been with someone cleaner person…"

"Ichi, don't say that. Why wouldn't I have wanted to date you? I-"

Anger raised in Ichigo but he still didn't look up, instead he was glancing hard at the floor.

"Grimmjow, I can't help but think that this test will turn positive and I hate myself 'cause I got you involved with me when I knew the chance. I mean, there is pretty big chance that I gave it to you too, and I can't live with myself if-"

Ichigo cut his rant, realizing what he had said. He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that. Grimmjow's eyes widened and he took few steps backward. He hadn't even thought that possibility. At this, Ichigo finally lifted his head and looked into his boyfriend's eyes, only to see panic and mistrust in them.

"No…" Grimmjow said quietly, shaking his head.

"Grimmjow, I-"

"How could you?"

"I didn't mean-", at this, tears were falling down Ichigo's cheeks again.

"You should have told me sooner!" the fear's brought anger sounded from Grimmjow's voice.

"I'm so sor-"

"Why Ichigo? How could you have kept this from me? All this time?"

"Grimm, I'm sorry", Ichigo sobbed now. "I love y-"

"No! Don't even…" Grimmjow cut him but couldn't bring himself to finish his phrase and then turned towards the front door and was gone suddenly.

* * *

_-The present_

Ichigo walked through the bedroom and directed towards the kitchen. All he could think was the earlier happening. He couldn't stand the thought that he had put his lover's life in danger like that also. He hurt so much from somewhere inside. _'It's feels like my whole body has dried from all of the crying too'_ Ichigo thought when he felt like crying but nothing didn't come. _'Maybe I should drink a glass of water'._

Slowly he arrived in the kitchen, and stopped when he saw a knife which was laying on the island table abandoned and soon he had an answer. An answer to stop the unbearable mental pain: to change it physical. Hesitating he crabbed the knife in his hand and stared the blade for a while. Ichigo slid his index finger slightly along the sharp side. At the middle way he felt little of pain when the blade cut into his skin, but the pain, it felt… good. Amazingly good. Like he had to get it more.

Ichigo tried again, he put the knife upon his forearm and slid slowly and then took it away, watching the blood starting to bleed out from the cut. Then he put the knife against the vulnerable flesh of his wrist and cut down, bringing blood at the same time. It hurt more than the earlier cut but it still felt so good. Ichigo watched the bleeding cut before he took the knife in his injured hand and did the same to his other wrist.

* * *

"And that's why I ran Nel. I didn't know what to do or what to think. He looked so lost but I was so hurt that I ran away from him. I… oh god…" Grimmjow finished and buried his face in his hands again.

Nel was quiet for a while. So many thoughts went through her head but she didn't know how to react to what she had just heard.

"Grimmjow…" she didn't know what to say.

They sat on silence, both on their own thoughts. Then Grimmjow showed his face and started to twiddle his fingers.

"I just don't know how to feel. When I heard that he might have HIV and then the fact that I might have it too. I… I just felt so hurt, I don't know. He needed me to comfort him but the whole thing… it was too much for me. I couldn't stay, I had to leave…"

Grimmjow looked at his sister's eyes, like searching for something and then turned back to stare at his fingers.

"I let him down. He was in pain and needed me. And I just left…" Grimmjow said, closing his eyes. He felt like crying but again didn't allow himself to do that.

Nel took Grimmjow's hands in her owns and rubbed them with her thumps.

"You talk like he's gone. But Ichi is still here and he still needs you as much as you need him. You can get through this but you need each other to do so", she said gently, squeezing her brother's hands for comfort.

"And besides, Ichi isn't still sure about it. Didn't you say that the doctor hasn't called him yet, huh? That's probably eating him inside out. You have to go back to him!"

"But how can I face him after what I did? I can't even forgive myself, how could he?" Grimmjow questioned, shaking his head.

"The ultimate question is do you still love Ichigo, Grimm? With that everything is forgivable."

Grimmjow looked into Nel's eyes surprised before jumping up from the couch. He looked around for a while, thinking what Nel had said. She was right, he had to go back.

"How stupid I can get…" he muttered to himself as he went to put his shoes and jacket again. Nel walked beside him smiling warmly and hugged him tightly.

"Then go to him Grimm", she whispered in the blunette's ear while Grimmjow hugged her back.

"Thank you sis", he said and quickly disappeared through the front door to slightly dark but warm autumn night.

.

* * *

**A/N:** And there! I feel little sorry for Ichi... as for Grimm too :( But how's things going to work out? That you will know eventually ;) But hopefully you all liked this and reviews! Tell me what you think about this! And should I try to write some lemon for the poor couple?

Nähdään myöhemmin! *waves*


	3. Chapter 3

Okay okay, I'm here... And finally the chapter everyone has been so excited to see. And thanks to everyone for reviews!

And a little note that I was sick when I wrote this so don't wonder if somethings sounds a bit weird ^^' I wasn't in my right mind then :D Or what is my right mind... x3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything of Bleach...

Not betaed.**  
**

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**Chapter 3**

o0o**  
**

Ichigo put the knife into the sink and leaned back against the island table and watched his blood stained wrists. _'What did I do?'_

It felt like the cuts and the skin around them burned, and it was slightly uncomfortable but at the same time it still felt good, liberating. And inside he felt calm, like almost all of the emotional pain was bleeding out of the cuts, leaving an empty feeling into him. It little scared him but only for a few seconds – then something like nothingness took over his mind. _'What's wrong with me? I feel so different…' _he thought and just stood there as the weird, indescribable feeling filled him._  
_

"Damn…" the orangette muttered after a while before turned around to watch his reflection in the mirror that was on the opposite wall.

He noticed that his usually slightly tanned, peach skin was a bit paler than normal. _'What…? Oh, I was going to get the glass of water. Maybe I really do need it…'_ he remembered and took a step forward the sink but suddenly, a slight dizziness run through him and he stumbled a little to the side. _'Shit, was I drinking already?'_ he thought and leaned on the island to support himself, shaking his head slightly, trying to clear his mind before he again, this time slowly, took a step forward the cabinet.

* * *

"Fuck…" Grimmjow cursed as he stopped running and bent, hands on his knees, panting heavily. _'I missed the last bus dammit'_ he groaned in his mind as he looked around him. _'And of course any taxi ain't free at this hour…'_ he thought before he straightened himself and swiped a few drops of sweet away from his forehead, as he waited for his breath to calm. _'What the hell has happened to my so great stamina…?'_ he swore, shaking his head in disbelieve.

Yes, they did have car, as deputy managing director Grimmjow was paid very well, but it was at garage for now. Few weeks ago he had managed to crash it to street lamp as he had tried to get home quickly in a rainy day, just so he could've screwed his berry into their bed. To say, Ichigo didn't take it slightly. He had hold sex for a week after he had figuratively beat the living hell out of him. After all that Grimmjow had made sure he would never do the same mistake again... A week without being intimate with his lovely Ichi was like hell.

_'Ichigo'_.

"I have to get home quickly", the blunette breathed out loud.

'_He needs me…'_ he thought and started to jog again towards their common house.

* * *

After filling his glass with water, Ichigo took a few gulps before cringed at the slight coppery taste. Confused, he looked down at his glass, his mind cleaning as he gazed at his wrists.

_/"I can't help but think that this test will turn positive and I hate myself 'cause__ I got you involved with me when I know the chance. I mean, there is pretty big chance that I gave it to you too, and I can't live with myself…"_\

Ichigo dropped the glass, it shattered on the hard wood floor, and he sank down to his knees, straight down on the shards. Memories flooded back to him, the pain hitting him hard. He hurt Grimmjow. He may have killed him with the same thing that was killing himself slowly. Grimmjow hated him. Looking at the blood dripping from the short cuts on his knees and shins, Ichigo held his breath and lifted his wrists to watch the bleeding cuts on them again.

'_Maybe if I get rid of the dirty blood I'll be clean again and Grimmjow won't hate me…'_ he thought and then a wave of strong dizziness went through him. It felt like his head was spinning and his field of vision went blurry. It lasted only few seconds before it was over, leaving the orangette a little light-headed. Slowly, leaning on the island, Ichigo rose to stand up on his feet, feeling a slight stinging on his legs. Using the walls as support, he half-crawled/half-walked back to bedroom to pull himself onto their bed, not aware of the trail he was leaving behind him.

When he got next to the bed, he suddenly let out a sharp cry and doubled over as the pain forced him on his knees. His heart pounded against his chest, desperately trying to pump the vital liquid to his major organs as it was seeping out of his wounds the same time.

Ichigo succeed to crawl to the bed and tried to find a position that offered less pain as he started to shiver violently, feeling icy. _'Oh god, what's happening to me?'_

Then the same, strong dizziness as in the kitchen went through him again but this time it didn't go away and his vision started to darken, not clearing at all._  
_

"G-Grimm…jow…" he whispered with the last bit of energy he had left.

His head throbbed one last time as darkness imperceptibly took him into its empty embrace.

* * *

Grimmjow finally reached their door and pulled the keys from his pocked hurriedly, unlocked and pushed the door open. He quickly kicked his shoes off and went further into their apartment to look for Ichigo.

"Ichi?" he questioned when he was met with nothing but unpleasant silence.

"Ichi! You're here?"

Again nothing.

He looked behind him and saw that Ichigo's shoes were at their place, so he had to be home. Grimmjow checked first the living room, not finding him there, before he went to the kitchen – and stopped in his tracks when he saw blood on the floor with shattered glass and water mixed with it. _'Oh my...! Did he cut himself badly on the glass accidentally?'_ he thought as he watched not just speckles but small puddles of blood near the island table.

'_Oh Ichi…'_ he shook his head.

But then he saw the trail. No, something must have happened to him. He quickly, and now worried, started to follow the trail, painfully noticing the small stains now and then on the walls. _'So much blood…'_

Then he finally reached their bedroom's doorway and saw the trail continuing in the room, the white carped right in front of the door had a red stain on it.

"Ichi, where are-", his voice froze when he walked into the room and his gaze came to their bed. Right then, he couldn't breath, couldn't think, couldn't speak. He found his legs, like they had their own mind, rushing him over Ichigo's still body. Sitting on the bed, Grimmjow took Ichigo into his lap carefully and took his two fingers on the smaller man's neck, searching his pulse and let out a slightly relived sight as he found a weak one. Gazing Ichigo's blood-soaked appearance, Grimmjow quickly dug out his cell phone and dialled to the emergency number.

"Hello? I-I need an ambulance right now…"

Grimmjow gave every information that were needed, as his name and address, to the person on the other side of the line.

"My boyfriend, something happened to him… there's so much blood…" Grimmjow said with shaking voice as he looked over his boyfriend's wounds, noticing the twin cuts.

"His wrists…" he trailed off, dropping the phone.

Immediately, he took off his own shirt and ripped long strips to bandage Ichigo's wrists. He kissed Ichi's other palm, tears gathering in his eyes as he realized what Ichigo had done.

"No…" he whispered as he hugged Ichigo close to him, burying his cheeks against the messy orange hair, wishing that this was just a terrible nightmare.

Ichigo's eyes opened slightly and he felt warm breathing going through his hair, smelling a familiar scent.

"G-Grimm... jow?" he whispered so quietly that it was barely heard.

"Ichi?" Grimmjow's head shot up in shock.

"Thank goodness you're awake. I almost thought…"

"You… c-came back?"

Ichigo was so quiet that Grimmjow had to lean his forehead against the berry's that he could hear him.

"Of course I came back, why wouldn't I? I'm sorry Ichi… I'm so sorry what I put you through, you didn't deserve that…"

Grimmjow trailed off as he rubbed Ichigo's arm, noticing how pale his skin was from the blood he had lose and was losing all the time.

"It's o-okay… you couldn't… have-" Ichigo couldn't continue, a coughing fit stealing the words.

Grimmjow felt a pang in his chest, unable to help his lover, but still tried to sooth him rubbing his back. Ichigo's coughing stopped and he started to shiver again, trying to cuddle closer to Grimmjow's chest for warm.

"G-Grimm… I'm so c-cold… what's happening… t-to me…?" Ichigo asked weakly.

"Shh, hold on sweetie. There's an ambulance on its way. They'll heal you back to yourself in no time, so just hold on please…" Grimmjow tried to comfort, but Ichigo or himself, even he didn't know.

They were in silence for some time, Grimmjow listening Ichigo's breathing closely and Ichigo just trying to enjoy Grimmjow's warm as much as he could.

"I-I'm sorry… Grimm…" Ichigo whispered, barely audible.

"I'm s-sorry that… I-I didn't tell y-you sooner… I'm sorry i-if I g-gave it to… to you too… and I'm m-more sorry that I h-hurt you… You d-don't need… someone like me…"

"Ichi, no. Don't say that… It wasn't-"

"A-And t-thank you… Grimm… for the last e-eight months. You're… the b-best thing that h-has happened… in my life after… my mom died. I-I don't know if… I ever w-would h-have felt loved again… if i-it wasn't f-for you…"

Ichigo tried to lift his hand up to touch Grimmjow's face. The blunette saw that and took a hold of the berry's hand softly, lifting it closer to his face so Ichi's fingers could brush along his cheek, before he brought the hand in front of him and kissed the cold fingers. Grimmjow then bent his head down, slowly, and pressed his lips against his lover's soft ones, feeling Ichigo's heartbeat in the kiss. He pulled the berry closer to him, trying to warm Ichigo's body. Trying to keep it alive.

They pulled apart and Ichigo looked into those baby blue eyes, which he has found to be the most beautiful ones in his world.

"I l-love you Grimm… so much… I always h-have… please, d-don't forget that…"

A faint smile appeared on the blue haired man's lips.

"Ichi, I-"

He was cut off sharply as Ichigo let out a loud whimper, burying his face in Grimmjow's chest and gripped his side hard. It suddenly felt like a fire was blazing inside him, burning his systems mercilessly.

"Ichigo? What's wrong? Please, calm down!"

Panic ran through Grimmjow's veins. He didn't know what to do, only pray that the fucking ambulance would be there already. He laid Ichigo back down on the bed, trying to make him more comfortable. Ichigo whimpered again and slowly opened his eyes, the fear showing from the golden, honey brown eyes.

"G-Grimm…" he whispered, his eyes forcefully closed and his body went limp.

"Ichi? Ichigo? No! Ichigo… Don't…! Don't leave me… please!" Grimmjow shouted as he tried to carefully shake Ichigo awake but he just remained limp. The older man couldn't hold his tears any longer and they started to fall down his cheeks.

"I love you too Ichigo… please, just hold on…" he trailed off sobbing, holding the orange haired man close to him once again as the faint sound of sirens echoed from somewhere.

o0o

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**A/N:** Where did that come from? O.o Oh well, we should see what happens in the next and last chapter ;)

I tried to write about how Ichigo feels in the beginning when he had cut his wrists and the aftermaths as accurately as I could... It's hard to explain and you probably don't get it perfectly if you haven't ever feel it yourself... But I tried my best :)

And hopefully it didn't sound too sappy at the end... ^^'

But I hope you enjoyed this if that's the right thing to say... Thanks for reading and reviews, please!


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, here's finally the last chapter! Sorry it took a while to post but have been whatever kind of things and I'm starting to get bored... DX

But here few answers for reviews:

**Angelchan2012:** Yeah, I'm good at that X3 Ichi really does have critical moment . But thank you so much sweetie~! Your reviews makes me always happy ^_^

**ichibanseiken:** I can't tell~ XP Ichi is so near death that... just don't know... Not sure if it's very interesting but I still hope you like the ending... ^^;

**inouehime-chanZero-koNii-sama:** Of course I am ;D Thanks so much =)

And thanks to the rest too! Without you this wouldn't so fun ;)

But warnings are the same so there's not going to be lemon in this, sorry :( But I promise later on in my stories will be smut ;D

Oh, but you guys are so going to hate me for this begining... But to the story now~

Not beta'd.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

...**  
**

_-One month later-_

Grimmjow sighed deeply as he walked through the small gate. The cemetery had become too familiar to him in these the last few weeks. He couldn't help it, but the place just seemed to clear his mind, letting him float just between the facts of reality and fantasy. Why he chose this place for walk was little unclear. Maybe it was to keep his memory alive. Maybe it was to remind him that how real death really was, how it was the only sure thing in this world and it could happen to anyone anytime. No one couldn't prevent it. Grimmjow looked at the tombstones as he passed them, one by one, showing the names of and last words for the people buried beneath. _Beloved wife. Precious father. True friend and brother. Rest in peace amongst the angels._

Words.

That's all that was left of them now with of course the memories that belonged only to the loved ones and closest friends they left behind, a mystery to the wandering visitors that happens along.

Grimmjow looked sadly at the sky as he continued walking slowly along the path he'd come to know well. The sights were so burned into his memories that his mind knew where every step would lead him. He knew he wouldn't forget this as well as he would never forget that night just four weeks ago. _'Gods, it still seems like it was just yesterday… Will it ever become easier to forget?'_ he thought, holding back tears that threatened to come. No, not anymore.

Then he realized where his body had led him again. That same clearing, near the sea, and that same tree. The sea was calm, only slight waves rolled forward the shore that the warm wind had developed, and the sunset was visible on the horizon. One black, granite tombstone was standing proudly, bathing in the fading orange light. Grimmjow sat on the ground and leaned against the tree, not looking at the stone but gazing at the setting sun. It really was beautiful today, so pure orange, like giving hope of another day to come. Grimmjow let one tear roll down his cheek softly as he started to prepare for his goodbyes to that lonely but peaceful place.

He had to move on.

* * *

It was dark by the time Grimmjow got home. He kicked his shoes off and laid the bundle of mail on the small table by the couch which he had picked from the mailbox before coming inside. He then took off his jacket and threw it on the other side of the couch. He sat down and started to check the letters.

"Okay, let's see what we have today… bills… more bills… letter from tax office… what the hell they want now… notice on rent? Geez…"

Then he went silence as he picked the last letter. _Priority mail from Western Karakura clinic._

'_This is it…'_ the blunette thought as he took the letter with him and walked to the bedroom and placed it on the nightstand. He then noticed that the light was on and sighed, chuckling quietly as he gazed at the sleeping form on the bed.

Ichigo was sleeping soundly on his side, a book laying open under his fingertips. The light on the nightstand laid a slight golden glow on his face and bare arms and chest, his hair seemed so much more brighter too.

'_Oh my lil' Berry, you've__ must got worried and tried to wait for me again…'_ the older male snickered in his mind and carefully picked the book, setting it on the nightstand along with the letter and turned off the light. He stripped down to his boxers before climbed under the covers, resting against Ichigo's back. Then he stroked Ichigo's side back and forth, trailing kisses along his neck and shoulder blades, slightly nipping the skin with his teeth as Ichigo stirred in front of him.

"Grimm?" he mumbled tiredly before yawned, snuggling closer to the body behind him.

"Yeah Berry, I'm here", Grimmjow whispered to Ichigo's ear before kissed the soft place just behind it. Ichigo sighed and rolled over to face his lover, his eyes half lidded from sleep and a smile on his lips.

"Good, you were gone longer this time. I was starting to worry a little. Where did you go?" Ichigo asked, snuggling his head to Grimmjow's neck.

"To the cemetery again."

Ichigo lifted his head up and Grimmjow noticed the worried look on his face, fully awake now. Grimmjow shook his head and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

"No Ichi, I'm okay now. This was the last time. I just had to say my goodbyes to that place, you know. I couldn't help but to drawn to it, I was trying to get used to visit you there back then so much, instead of a now unclaimed plot", he whispered as he took one of Ichigo's hand in his own, kissing his wrist. The wounds had scarred now, and they all know that they would leave a bone white, constant scars, reminder of that terrifying day.

_-Flashback-_

Ichigo had been unconscious when the ambulance had came and a nearly hysterical Grimmjow hugging him tightly, crying and muttering pleads incessantly. Ichigo's breathing had stopped and the paramedics had long and agonizing minutes reviving him. When they got him to breathe again, he was rushed into the ambulance, Grimmjow by his side all the time. They took care of his wrists as much as they could before they arrived to the hospital.

Inside, Grimmjow was forced to wait in the waiting room. After long time without getting any news of Ichigo, Grimmjow decided to get a hold of Ichi's father. He didn't know how to explain what has happened to his son so he let the doctors explain to him when he would come. When Isshin had arrived he couldn't help but ask question after question, he couldn't understand what his son had done and why. Why did this happen? Why did he do this? Will he be ok? The traditional questions which anyone of them couldn't answer thoroughly. Grimmjow had just sat quietly the whole time. Much later, he and Isshin had discovered about Ichigo's condition. He had lost so much blood that his internal organs were starting to shut down from lack of oxygenated blood, causing him the intense pain that he had felt before losing his conscious last time. He had needed an immediate blood transfusion before anymore damage was done. Luckily it wasn't anything that Ichigo's body couldn't fix on its own, granted he be kept at the hospital for a week or two for observation and a lot of rest.

A few days later Grimmjow had got the doctor's permission to go see Ichigo. He had been so close losing him that he had to see that Ichigo really was going to be ok. At nights he was having dreams where he was at Ichigo's funeral, facing a grave plot against the setting sun. He would hear the priest closing the prayer as they lowered the coffin to the ground, and the sun at the right angle to shine on the tombstone where was text carved with golden letters. _Ichigo Kurosaki. Beloved son, brother and friend._

He walked in Ichigo's room, slightly shaking. The medicine smell was little thicker in the room than in hallways, but Grimmjow didn't mind that as much as about the sight. Ichigo was laying on the bed, breathing softly, IV was attached to his right arm as some clear liquid was attached to his left along with two thin tubes in his nose to help him with his breathing. Grimmjow quickly walked over to the bed, sitting on the chair next to it. Ichigo looked so pale and so vulnerable, hardly like the berry he knew but still so beautiful to him.

He took carefully Ichigo's bandaged hand in his owns, rubbing his fingers and skin around the bandages. He didn't notice when Ichigo opened his eyes until Ichigo squeezed his hand slightly. Astonished blue eyes lifted up to meet watery, honey brown ones finally. Grimmjow cried again after for the first time since the ambulance had got to their house and found Ichigo bleeding to death. The taller man stood up and hugged Ichigo as tightly as he dared without hurting him more.

"Don't you ever leave me like that again, you hear me you stupid? Never again or I'll kill you myself!" he cried into Ichigo's neck.

Ichigo hugged him back weakly as tears slide down his cheeks as well.

"I won't I promise… I love you…" the smaller man whispered with a hoarse, barely audible voice.

"Thank you, Grimm…"

_-End of flashback-_

Ichigo wrapped his arms around Grimmjow's middle, hugging him as he recognized the distant look on his boyfriend's face. Grimmjow knew that Ichigo was still worried about him and his unannounced walks in the cemetery. But to Grimmjow it was like something he couldn't explain. Like thinking of how thinks would have been but still keeping the reality. No, he wasn't going crazy… far from it, it just gave him sense of relief. He probably would have went crazy and killed himself if he had had to read Ichigo's name carved in a cold stone, like in his dream. But no, Ichigo was right here, by his side, in his arms, his warm body against his own. On their bed, in their common house.

The blue haired man leaned his head down a little and kissed the berry on the lips. He pulled away, his lips still slightly brushing against Ichigo's so the orange haired man could feel a smile forming on his lips.

"You don't have to worry anymore Ichi. My walks are over now, as I said before, I've now said my goodbyes. You're here, I'm here, that's all I need. And I'm not going to let anything to come between us like this ever again, I promise. So no more worrying about me, okay?" he said, pulling away and Ichigo gazed into the beautiful sky blue eyes.

"I know Grimmjow, but I'll still worry about you. How can I not? I understand why you always went there, but really Grimm, who in their right mind goes walking around cemeteries until the late hours of the night? I mean, it's _a little_ strange if you ask me", Ichigo laughed slightly.

"Shut up you over grew Strawberry."

"Oi, I've told you countless of times to not call me that", the berry growled dangerously, glaring annoyed at the older man.

Grimmjow chuckled and pulled Ichigo into a firm hug.

"Aaw, you didn't meant it sweetie~! Don't be so mean to me, my small, fruity, lil' Ber-"

Grimmjow was cut when an elbow hit him on the chin. The blunette started to rub his now sore chin, cursing while Ichigo just smiled and rested his head on top of his boyfriend's chest, snuggling in his warmth. Grimmjow wrapped his arm back around the younger man. They relaxed just in silence, enjoying each other's closeness. Ichigo circled his index finger around Grimmjow's stomach, feeling the hard muscles, and then he felt the familiar tingle in his wrist and glanced at his scar.

"You know, I still feel guilty for not telling about this sooner. If I had, maybe I could have prevented this whole mess. And maybe I would have saved you from the virus… I'm so sorry Grimm, I never meant to-"

Grimmjow silenced him with a kiss.

"Don't you start that again Ichigo. You didn't know so it wasn't your fault. I know you didn't mean it. You went to get tested when you found out and it said you didn't have it at the time. You didn't know that it took longer to be shown so there's nothing I can blame you for. You did what probably everyone would have done in your position. So I should say that _I'm_ sorry for the way I acted, it wasn't right."

Grimmjow kissed the top of Ichigo's head and started to run his hand back and forth along the berry's back gently before he continued.

"That day Nel helped me to realize that how much I love you and you love me. We need each other in this and I'm not definitely abandoning you. We'll get through this together, no matter the outcome. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, whether it'll be a long or short one."

He gently lifted Ichigo's head by his chin until his gaze met with teary brown eyes.

"Just remember that before you go doing something drastic, okay? I don't want to lose you… I can't…"

"You won't Grimm…" Ichigo smiled happily as he laid his head back against Grimmjow's chest.

He was glad being able to just lay there with him. He couldn't believe that he had almost given this up, it all seemed like a bad dream.

Grimmjow felt Ichigo sigh, a little sadly.

"Ichi? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing. It's just that… we still don't know what's going on. The doctor never did call me about the results and I haven't been able to get a hold of him yet. I just hate this unawareness, that's all…"

"Oh, that reminds me. I almost forgot…" Grimmjow said as he sat up a little, leaning on one elbow, and reached across Ichigo to crap the letter on the nightstand where he had put it earlier.

"This was in the mail pile today. I believe it's from the doctor. Maybe it's the results now."

He handed the letter to Ichigo, who took it slowly in his shaking hands.

"Why not open it and find out? Hopefully then you would have some peace of mind. To me it doesn't matter much though, I love you no matter the results."

Ichigo looked at the letter for a few moments, his mouth dried and butterflies were flying in his stomach rapidly.

"Grimm, what… what if it's bad news? What-"

"Like I said Ichi, we'll work through it", Grimmjow answered, rubbing soothingly the berry's neck.

Ichigo glanced at him before took a deep breath and opened the letter. He took out a few papers that were inside and tried to turn watch Grimmjow but he had buried his face on his orange locks.

"Don't you want to know what it says?"

Grimmjow lifted his head to watch Ichigo in the eyes.

"Stupid berry, I already told you that I don't care about what it says, I only care about you. I know you need to know or it'll eats your mind forever. I on the other hand don't care less and I'll still be here with you. Now go on and read it already so I can fucking get back kissing you."

Ichigo chuckled slightly and turned his attention back to the papers. _'This is it…'_ he thought and started to read the typing text with some of the doctor's handwriting along it. _'These papers holds mine and Grimm's future…'_

Grimmjow stared Ichigo the whole time, not looking at the papers even once. He had meant every word he had said. It really didn't matter to him if the results were positive or negative, he would just continue living as if nothing had happened. Just normally. But he knew that Ichigo still felt guilty and he hoped that this notes would calm his mind. If it was good news then hopefully he wouldn't feel guilty anymore and they would leave this whole thing behind them. If it was bad news, then… well, it would be something to work on together. Just like any other problems they had had to and they would be bound to face. But still, Grimmjow couldn't help but feel a little nervous as Ichigo read the papers. He watched closely Ichigo's eyes and felt his heart sank when he noticed the tears starting to form in his honey eyes. _'Oh god… I'm sorry Ichi…'_

He was about to pull the orangette in a loving, comfortably hug, when Ichigo suddenly lifted his gaze to him, a smile forming on his lips. Confused and his heart beating faster, Grimmjow whispered.

"Ichi?"

"Grimm! It's… we're… oh god!" he trailed, unable to finish as happy tears rolled down his cheeks and he hopped on Grimmjow's lap as the blunette pulled him into a tight embrace. Ichigo returned it just hugging as tightly back and buried his face against the blue haired man's neck as Grimmjow started to run his fingers through his hair. He didn't need Ichigo to finish his phrase, he just know that from now, everything was going to be just fine.

~**The End**~

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**A/N:** And there! That really was sappy ending... Oh well, at least Ichigo is still alive ^^ I couldn't bring myself to take Ichi away... ichibanseiken was right, I **can't** kill him!

**Grimmjow:** So you admit that you were going to kill him?

**Panther Tenebrae:** I'm not going to admit anything... *shrugs*

**Grimmjow:** Why you little bitch-

**Ichigo:** Grimm, just leave her alone...

**Panther Tenebrae:** Thanks Ichi~ And hopefully you all liked this story even if it was my first in English one... but if there was too many mistakes and the writing was crap at any kind, I believe that I deserve a kick in the ass...

**Grimmjow:** *kicks Panther in the ass* The idea of killing Ichi was crap!

**Panther Tenebrae:** Die you damn blueberry cat!

**Grimmjow:** The hell did you say?

**Ichigo:** Stop the both of you! *separates them* Grimm! Go to our room, now! *threw Grimmjow out of the room*

**Panther Tenebrae:** Aaw, Ichi~ I know you would save me~! *hugs Ichigo*

**Ichigo:** *sighs*

Thanks for reading this and reviews, pretty please! Those just makes me happy ^.^ But see you in a next fics later on ;)

-Panther Tenebrae


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